Feedback

Allen Schreiber • November 23, 2021
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Last week, a colleague and I presented a CLE seminar for the Birmingham Bar Association. As always, when you teach something you learn something, and I surely did.


The last segment of our presentation was on being open to feedback. In preparing for my talk, I was reminded that years ago I read a book, Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. The book explains why receiving feedback is so crucial, yet so challenging, and offers a strong framework to help us on receiving – with curiosity and grace – life’s evaluations, criticisms and endless advice.


The book’s forward gives a version of a well-known story:

An overly optimistic boy has parents who are trying to teach him to see the world more realistically. To that end, they decide to give him a large sack of horse dung for his birthday.

“What did you get?” asks his grandmother, wrinkling her nose at the smell.

“I don’t know,” cries the boy with delight, as he excitedly digs through the dung, “but I think there’s a pony in here somewhere!”

Receiving feedback can be like that. It’s not always pleasant. But there just might be a pony in there somewhere.


As I reflected on this, I was struck how mediation is an exercise of constant feedback. Each caucus has the mediator and the parties giving an analysis of each other’s position. There should be no surprise that this process is often frustrating and uncomfortable. We all should remember this when dealing with each other in mediations.


As a tangible way to improve my ability to receive feedback, I have added to my website a “Feedback” page (Contact Us > Feedback), to be sent to participants in future mediations.


Schedule your next ADR session via our convenient online calendar, or call Carol Waldrop at 855-754-8807.