Blog Post

Silence: Another Language

Allen Schreiber • Sep 07, 2022
Time to Listen graphic

A few weeks ago, I attended the National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN) seminar in Atlanta. The speakers were tremendous. The lineup featured Kenneth Feinberg, the notorious mediator/author who administered the “9/11 Victims Compensation Fund“ and recently released the book Who Gets What. Michael Keaton plays Feinberg in the film Worth - I recommend watching!


My favorite segment, however, may have been on Saturday morning, when we spent several hours discussing “the re-learning of silence.“ There were, of course, many other skills and techniques discussed over three days, but I am compelled to focus on a skill which I continue to find particularly challenging and counter-intuitive: the skill of saying nothing. Julia Okada of Triad Consulting expertly led the discussion.

I re-discovered the following about the art, and impact, of saying nothing.


  • By not filling the awkward silence, you are conveying your expectation that a party can find a way to move forward. In every such instance, by gently and firmly holding the silence, the party then can find the words, and a way, to persevere.


  • Silence allows attentive listening. Talking prevents attentive listening. It is difficult to listen when you are talking!


  • While you may not fill the silence with words, there is still communication between you and the parties


It is not the easy option! 


As I look ahead to this fall and think about the changes I might make, I will be reminding myself that, by saying less, I may actually be doing more. And that, of course, has an impact far beyond the mediation room.

Schedule your next ADR session via our convenient online calendar, or call Carol Waldrop at 855-754-8807.


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